An Organic Alarm Clock

We have friends who have been on the apple cider vinegar kick for, I guess, as long as we’ve known them. I was curious, so recently I decided to give it a try.

I tried to research the health benefits of apple cider vinegar, but I couldn’t find an article explaining a benefit that didn’t contain the sentence, “some studies suggest that apple cider vinegar may” do this or that. That’s just a fancy way of saying, “my brother’s wife’s cousin has a mailman who knows a guy that takes it and he lost 2 pounds and doesn’t have arthritis any more.”

I decided to give it a try anyway. If taken properly, it seems the worst that can happen is that it strips the enamel from your teeth and irritates your esophagus. I can live with that if it helps me drop a few pounds.

Leah wasn’t interested in doing the apple cider vinegar trial this year. Another friend told her about apple cider vinegar years ago. She’s not forgotten, nor will she, the great sinus infection she gave herself in 2000 when, instead of throwing back a shot of ACV, she somehow managed to snort the stuff up the nasal passage in the back of her throat. Her eyes turned red and her nose started running. She coughed like she was hacking up a fur ball. Her ears got hot and she temporarily lost some hearing. I’m sure it hurt and I tried not to laugh, but I’m only human. The doctor told her it was the damnedest thing he’d ever heard. He prescribed her an antibiotic – an honest to goodness antibiotic drug – and she missed a couple of days of work. After a few days, the swelling went down and she was able to put her contacts back in her eyes, but she’s out of this apple cider vinegar experiment.

I selected Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar, for no other reason than that’s what our friends use and the older couple on the bottle seem nice by their picture. He touts himself to be a Life Extension Specialist. I don’t know if that’s a real thing or not, but I was an older first-time parent so, if I want to see my grandkids, I’m going to have to hang on a little longer than most.

Bragg ACV also contains “the Mother”, which is the good to have. It’s the good probiotic, maybe, I really don’t remember what I read about it, but I remember that it’s what gives ACV the cloudy look, and cloudy ACV is the way to go.

The first thing I had to determine was how much of this stuff I should ingest at a time. I texted my friend who, having grown up in Georgia, responded that “a swig” would be good. Now, that is a perfectly reasonable answer here in the south. It’s like “salt to taste” in a recipe – everybody here knows what it means, but it means something different to everybody. My friend is about six inches taller than me. His swig and my swig aren’t the same, and somewhere between Tarrant City and here I’ve lost my good senses and now rely on exact measurements for far too many things, really.

“How many teaspoons are in a swig”, I responded.

After a few minutes, during which I’m sure he rolled his eyes and read my question to his wife, he responded with “one tablespoon will be fine.” I’m sure he called me “fancy”, and I deserved it.

So I knocked back the first dose at about 7:30 that night. It wasn’t bad. It’s a little tart and stings just a little, but with all of the possible health benefits, it was worth it.

At 3:45 in the morning, I was wide awake. I was still overweight with poor eyesight, but I was wide awake.

Fast forward about three weeks and about half the bottle is gone. If I take the stuff at night, like I did last night, then I’m awake before 4AM. If I take it in the morning on an empty stomach, then I get that feeling that you get when you haven’t eaten and your blood sugar gets low, or high. I’m not sure which. But you get hot and clammy and sweaty all at the same time. That’s not a great feeling.

All that to say, the jury is still out on the ACV. Well, except for Leah. She cast her vote a long time ago.

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